Glad

For many things
Nice weather
An offer from Lancaster (seeing as Newcastle say nay)
I have an amazing family
I still have tomorrow
I am going to be involved in filming our "leaving dvd" (more on this as I find out about it
That this weekend is Outward Bound and that my friendship with Helen is getting really nice again
That Hazel and I got called Hazelizabeth Creaghan by GB in choir today (I think it was an accident but it could have been purposeful!).

Not glad that I don't even a get a measly interview to impress people.
that I haven't finished my freaking context
that I cannot sleep very well (don't blame the computer, don't you dare)
that my hard drive is full to bursting and I don't have the physical time to waste going through and deleting stuff just because Dad hasn't bought me the terra I was promised.
The people still have virus'd msns that send me stupid irritating clearly malicious links that I have to close down.
That only Jen has skype because it's clearly better than msn
That I'm clearly unfit and weak and pathetic.
That I keep getting freecycle emails to delete
that I failed at dailybooth
that I failed at sentence structure in this blog
that we failed to make the video about making that cake last week

I feel like that tit from Willy Wonka, Verruca Salt.
I WANT IT ALL.
I want my days of GOLD Byron, I don't want this terrible age of iron.
I don't want money to be such a burden.
I want times where we can laugh and have what-have-you in psychology and sing Rutter's Magnificat and not be ashamed of our Soprano section.
I want to be able to prove myself to the world without the stupid stupid repetitive ritualistic standardised EXAMS.
They can just leave right now.
Get out of my face.

That's why I want to looooooose myself in art, to express myself.
To have ideas and then work on them.
To photograph and edit and paint and make and do and make people smile.
I don't want to be the "pretty little fool" that Daisy hopes her daughter will be because in the end it seems that's all that matters.
I want to be acknowledged and loved for being me, for my moments of pure wit, my moments of complete failure within social situations for my crazy knowledge of the things I like best, for my nerdfightastic ability to cope.
Because, despite the fact I'm so angry right now that I just spelt because wrong twice, I do want to be accepted, to fit in.
I want to pass my exams because in this world I have to do that.
It's what I'm expected to do and will do and in the end perhaps I'm destined to do.

But I have always been told that I want never gets.
Well that can shit off.
I want to go to sleep now and I want people to understand me.
But you will never be me, and I will never be you and the only way you could possibly even start to comprehend is if I just type out every little though I have as I contradict myself until I settle on my final thoughts.













ARGH.

Bye.

Seriously, I'll be happier tomorrow, I promise.